carlespiemaryalice

There has never been one like him – and for that, the world was ill-prepared. There has never been one like him – and for that, the world should be in fear. If he is the last one, the world would be lucky and should breathe a huge sigh of great relief. But, if he has paved the way for others of his ilk, then who will save us?

Save us because: This person actually changes the very nature of any room he enters – from sanguine to saturnine from sapient to stupid from sugar to shit.

Because:
He is either morbidly stupid or intellectually anemic. It is difficult to determine which especially given that even if he were the only person in a room, he still would not be the smartest person in that room.

He is either morally feculent or the nature of his character is equivalent to a toilet that absolutely must be flushed. The decision of which one is the better description of his morality is made challenging because if he were to stand next to a six-foot, three-inch stack of shit, “God” would have difficulty determining which was the lesser of the two.

This person would not be able to identify the truth if it bent him over and had its way with him and later sent him tweets saying that it was the best piece of orange ass in the world. If he had to choose between breathing or not lying, he would choose not to breathe because like a vampire needs to suck blood to remain alive, he needs to lie to do the same. Most often, half of what he says is a lie and the other half is untrue. Truth is truth only if it serves his purpose; otherwise, it is a lie.

Related to his aversion to truth, he speaks in superlatives. That is, nothing he does that is ever “good” – it is the ‘best ever in the history of the world’. Nothing someone else does is ever “bad” – it is the ‘worst ever in the history of the world’.

He would call “God’s” announcements “fake news” if any of those announcements did not align with his narcissism . He would accuse Jesus of being too lazy to swim if Jesus walked on water and that if Jesus raised the dead that would be “a very bad thing” because by raising the dead, Jesus would not be letting them rest in peace. He would also accuse Jesus of being an anti-capitalist or socialist because healing the sick would be “very bad” for the health-care industry.

He has sycophants who genuflect with alacrity, kiss his ring eagerly and lick his boots to a shine. Or to state matters otherwise, his believers kneel before him, milk his angry inch with a grateful smile, then turn around and use their tongue as he would use toilet tissue after he shits on them. Doing so constitutes the fealty he requires, and failure to do so would paint a person as a card-carrying member of the “deep state” and a fifth columnist. In short, his followers would do things for him they would not even do for “God”.

He engages in ad hominem attacks by calling those who oppose him demeaning names (something a fifteen-year old stuck in the fifth grade would do) as a means of deflecting attention from the obtuse nature of his inert ability to grasp the most elementary of ideas. The concept of nuance is not just a nuisance but nugatory.

He does not consider himself perfect; he simply believes he has no flaws. He is not conceited; he is merely convinced of his own grandeur. He does not recognize the orange bag of pus that glares back at him in the mirror. He is the quintessential solipsist. No one matters more than he and no matter what he does, no one could do it better.

The only reason he does not take credit for rainbows is because he would have to explain why the color orange is not the first color of a rainbow. Instead, he would assert that “God” was not feeling too well on the day the first rainbow appeared and has been too lazy to change the order of the colors.

He takes credit for the apples that fall from a tree he did not plant much like the rooster who thinks the sun rises to hear it crow. But he blames others for anything that could be called a mistake. If a prediction he makes fails to transpire, he blames the listener for having faulty hearing.

The “J” in his middle name stands for Jackass – emphasis on the second syllable.

Profound stupidity and malignant narcissism. Either one is dangerous on its own accord. Together, however, it becomes a toxic slime that the most intrepid of people should dread and eschew.

Reading is painful for him because words on a page simply challenge his ability to recite them – he blames the words for not cooperating. In effect, reading requires him to reconcile his inability to read at a fifth-grade level with his public statements that he is a “very stable genius”. Accordingly, if he mispronounces a word, he blames the dictionary claiming it did not spell it correctly. Without a doubt, even if he were able to pronounce the words in this commentary (most of which he simply could not) he would still not discern that this commentary is solely and exclusively about him.